Speaking has only just become a struggle to me in recent years and I suppose a problem to other people (which it should never be)… When I was about seven I was mocked by a boy for not being able to say ‘red’ like an average person, in which I somehow got the strength to push him off his stool ( I promise this is the only act of violence I have ever used…) After, I got sent to the carpet, I got told off but after I explained what happened, he got told off too and apologised for his actions, soon after I apologised also. I think that was the first ever comment I got about my speech.
High school was were most of my symptoms become more prominent; one symptom included a stammer. This symptom was the main one I was self conscious over and wanted to hide it (if you know anything about a stammer the more you try and hide it, it only gets worse). Like a lot with this condition my family and friends had no idea what to do as they have never had to deal with a stammer; they used to tell me to slow down and to start again which we soon found out that, that would make me worse. Now this was when I wanted to get help through speech therapy…
I went to speech therapy not knowing what I was going into, I was scared to say the least. I got a letter that me and my speech therapist wrote that meant teachers had to ask me beforehand if I wanted to answer a question and to not rush me and so basically they could understand. Eventually, the stammer was under control and I got discharged & in my world that door closed forever, except it didn’t.
A year later, my stammer ‘came back’, so did my problem with it and I had an experience I wouldn’t wish on my worse enemy. I was in my English class and we had to work in groups and express our ideas on a picture and we eventually had to share to the class. I was with four other members but there were two individuals started to copy me and what I said, a girl told them to stop, they didn’t and I didn’t tell the teacher as I didn’t want to seem as pathetic. When we had to share our ideas, the two people that were giving me a headache and they said that I was going to do it. The teacher then went ‘go on Mia’ when it was our turn, I’ve never wanted to get the ground to swallow me up as much. After that ordeal another one started, they didn’t stop the mimicking and calling me names that I eventually I broke. When I say I broke, I honestly broke I couldn’t stop crying , my teacher took me out of class and wanted me to explain what was going on, which I couldn’t at the time. After talking to two teachers, one took me out to my grandad and explained everything that went on and that my head of year would be informed, and it would be sorted out. After my family and friends rallied round me that night and the morning after and I was then ready to face the music. They both only got a slap on the wrist, one gave me an apology, the other one didn’t and hasn’t spoken to me since.
After that ordeal, I wanted to go back to speech therapy which I did and cried at my first appointment (there was a lot of crying at this time haha). I started to take control again but got the worse news I could at that time, my speech therapist was leaving but she was going to transfer me to the best of the best, but there was a waiting list which was quite long…
As the months passed, my fluency declined, I could barely get out a sentence without stuttering. But finally my appointment came (so did the anxiety about the appointment) and I finally got a reason for my stammer – my vocal cords randomly close due to my condition and with work they could learn to stay open. I got paper after paper, exercise after exercise and finally things were looking up…
Around this time Head Girl applications came about, you had to write a letter ( I can do that haha) then do a speech, if you get through that round you have a interview. I decided to go for it and although I still had the fear of stammering I learned that if I do stammer its ok. I wanted to prove myself to the head, I decided I would have a meeting with him to do exactly that as I’ve had previous meetings with him were a couldn’t get my words out – I did exactly that. He also said for me to not to worry about it and he would never judge me on something like that but saw how amazing I was doing. Then speech time came around I gave myself forty-eight hours to write it and practice it, I didn’t want to stress myself out too much. I performed it without a stutter in front of a whole year seven and a multitude of teachers – I have never been as proud of myself! I got through to the final stage, but I didn’t get the position of Head Girl, instead I got Senior Prefect which I am more than happy with 🙂
With my new lease of life beside me I wanted to be perfect with my speech, I’ve learned that I will never be fully able with my leg and arm but I believed my speech could be the one thing that could be perfect. I worked on how to correctly say my R’s and wanted to work on my S’s, I stopped focusing on my stammer, in which mean a decline in my fluency; I got back on the wagon and my fluency slowly started to come back. However, what I learned (and warned by my speech therapist) that I couldn’t have both and now I’m ok with that because no one can speak perfect and I honestly now don’t care what people think. It’s been a hard road and the road isn’t going to stop here, to keep my fluency , I’ve got to do my exercises every day, but that’s ok.
If you yourself are struggling with a stammer/speech impediment or with anything actually I want you to know its ok to ask for help, its ok to feel annoyed but always talk to someone you trust and love. It is never ok or acceptable for other people for other people to comment or mimic you and you should report it straight away! Remember no one’s perfect!
Here’s how to help someone with a speech difference:
. Don’t make fun of them (obvious I know)
. Let them finish what they’re saying and don’t but in unless they ask
.Don’t comment either unless they ask for your opinion.
.Be patient
I’m sorry for the long post (I’m just getting to grips with everything). Thank you for the support and I hope you enjoyed my last post ( it wasn’t an entertaining one haha) I didn’t really plan it out it was just my ideas straight on the page aha… If you would like to get in chat with me my Instagram handle is @miawithcp
Mia xoxo
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